I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
