Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
