my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
