Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
