Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
