She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
