please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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