Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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