I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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