Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
