Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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