My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
