i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
