I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
