Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
