this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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