Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
