She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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