I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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