I heard we made out
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
