the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
