I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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