Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
