She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We are all done wearing pants today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
