I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
