I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
