well you can't waste a boner
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
