We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
