the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
