She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
