Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
