don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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