i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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