I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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