i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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