But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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