shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
