my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
