Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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