I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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