The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
