apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
