I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
