we have officially lost it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
