omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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