You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
