I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
