I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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