I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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