I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
