Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My life is pants optional.
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