so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
