ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
