I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
