The maid of honor just puked.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
