my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
