Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
