omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm passing your future prison.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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