Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
