i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
