I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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