This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
