When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
