We're like a lot better than the average bears
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
