We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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