Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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