I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
