So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
