shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
