win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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