3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
