If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The air was thick with penises
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
